Last week my 4-year-old decided to build a block tower.  He wanted to build a tower that went “way above [his] head.”

First, he asked if I could build the tower with him.  However, I was busy cooking.  I told my son that he would have to wait until I finished or he could do it on his own.

Then he went to ask his big brother’s assistance.  But his big brother was immersed in a book and replied that he didn’t want to build right now.

My 4-year-old walked around the living room for a bit.  He dumped out the block container and he began to build.  When he had built as high as he could reach, he still wanted a taller tower.

He returned to me, “Mama, can you help me with the tall part of my tower?”  I reminded him that I was still cooking, and that I could either help him when I finished or he could build it himself.

He then asked again for his brother’s assistance.  “I need help with the tall part.  Can you help me?”  His brother said he wanted to finish his book first, then he could help.

My 4-year-old wandered around the living room some more, thinking.

Suddenly he dashed into the kitchen, pulled out the step stool, and dragged it into the living room.  He set it up, moved it into position, and began to carry blocks and stack them on top of his tower one by one.

As his tower grew taller and taller, I could hear his excitement in the way he moved as well as in the way he talked to himself as he worked,

Finally, he called, “Mama, I built a huge tower that goes way over my head all by myself.  Do you want to see me put on the last block?”  So I came in to watch.

“Can you take a picture to send to Daddy?” he asked.  I grabbed my camera to capture the big moment (though I think I forgot to send it to my husband, who was out of town at the time – oops!).

My 4-year-old was so proud when he climbed down from the step stool and surveyed his tower.  He called his big brother to come and look.  “I figured out how to build a tower way above my head.  And I did it all by myself.”

So often we rush in to help our kids when they struggle with something.  And I do generally assist my boys when they ask for support.  But there’s a lot to be said for allowing a child to muddle through a process and find his own solution.

By allowing a young person to work out a problem on her own, she gains confidence that she can actually troubleshoot and problem solve without someone else’s assistance.

My boys always know that I’ll come to help them if there’s ever something serious.  My 4-year-old knew that if he simply waited until I finished cooking, I would help him with his tower.  But that period of time working alone allowed him to come up with his own workable solution.

And that, to me, was an even better gift than my assistance would have been.

There are times when we work together because working together is fun and it makes tasks easier and we can learn from each other.  But there are times when it’s helpful to let kids struggle on their own.  This allows them to develop the skills and self-confidence that will carry them through their future endeavors.

If you’re interesting in building blocks for your own child, the blocks my son used were nesting animal blocks, as well as a mixture of alphabet blocks, planet blocks, constellation blocks, nursery rhyme blocks, and periodic table blocks (all of which are great for learning, as well as building).