Life imposes so many limits on us, just by virtue of being human in this time and place.  I try hard not to introduce more constraints into our lives than already exist.  In practice, this means that I do my best to respond with Yes.  And if it’s not with a literal Yes, I aim to respond with Yes energy.

In spite of these efforts, I frequently find Nos creeping into my daily interactions.  “Not now.”  “No, we can’t buy that.”  “Stop yelling so loud!”  “Don’t take things from your brother.”  “Quit throwing blocks!”  And on and on and on.

No comes naturally to me.  When I experience something that I don’t like, I say No.  My life as a kid was full of Nos, and if I’m not intentionally working to alter it, No seems to be my default mode of response.

It’s hard to break the habit of No.  It takes a conscious effort.  It takes rethinking the question, and framing it in terms of what we can or will do or what I do want, instead of responding with what we can’t or don’t do and what I don’t want.  And when I start to hear myself saying No a lot, I know that it’s time for me to re-center myself and to refocus on how I respond.

Why do I try to do this?  Well, it’s more fun to say yes.  You never know where a, “Mama, can you play with me?” will lead.  Further, there are often unexpected pleasures beyond the immediate answer.  It feels more pleasant in my body to say Yes; negativity feels heavy.  Also, when I say Yes, my kids get excited, and even my partner gets excited – who doesn’t want to hear Yes!  Everyone is happier and more cooperative with a Yes.  In addition, it stretches me to find a way that we can all meet our different needs and desires.  After all, I try to meet my wants and desires, why not allow my kids to do this too?

Does this mean that I do everything my kids ask me to do?  Of course not; I have many other obligations and desires that require my attention.  Does it mean that I buy them everything they ask for?  Definitely not; we live on a strict budget and are careful about discretionary spending.

How does saying Yes play out practically?  It means that I try to respond with the energy that comes with a Yes.  When my son says, “Mama, can we buy these [very expensive, grain-free] cookies?”  Instead of replying with, “No, that’s out of our budget,” I reply with, “Yum!  I like cookies too.  Should we get the ingredients to make some soon?”  And, usually, this works.  It’s not that my son is attached to those particular cookies; it’s that he wants a treat of some kind.  If he asks for a particular toy, I give a similar response, “Let’s try to make something like that!”  Frequently, people don’t need the specific thing that they’re asking for, but they see some aspect of it that they want.  If you can help them to meet their desire for that aspect, they don’t need the rest of it.

Try spending a day without Don’t, Stop, Quit, and No.  I’m guessing the effects will keep you wanting to say Yes.

Do you find yourself saying No a lot?  How do you help yourself to say Yes?