My boys wear used clothing almost exclusively. I haven’t bought them any new outfits; the only new items I’ve bought are underwear, socks, and shoes. Everything else they wear now or have worn is either used or has been a gift. We’ve been fortunate enough to receive a great many clothes as hand-me-downs from family and friends. My boys have also received, especially when they were babies, gifts of new clothes. The few items we haven’t received as gifts or hand-me-downs, we’ve bought at thrift stores. This is not only much less expensive than buying things new, it helps to reduce our environmental impact by reusing what other people no longer have need for.

Yet, while we gladly make use of what we’re given or what we can find available used, that doesn’t mean I don’t care about what my boys wear. I sort pretty carefully through the clothing we are given. And while most of them are wonderful, there are a few types of things that routinely I weed out.

First, I’ll say a little bit about what I do let my boys wear. I’ll let them wear pink. Flowers? No problem. Animals? Of course. Items frequently defined by our culture as girly (such as pink cat pajamas)? I’m fine with those too. If they want to wear something that’s a bit stained or has a hole, I don’t mind; though we do try to move items out of circulation when they become too tattered. If they want to wear pajamas during the day as clothes? That’s fine. If they wear things that don’t match? It’s an almost daily occurrence. I’m all for letting them set their own styles.

However, our culture –in all sorts of ways, including the clothing available for sale – pushes gender stereotypes even on very young children. That is where I draw the line:

I won’t dress my boys in clothing emblazoned with statements that value aggressive behavior. You won’t find them wearing items that say “Rough and tough guy,” a graffiti-style “Bad Boy” t-shirt, a onesie declaring that my son is “Mom’s Little Monster,” or items covered in pictures of flaming skulls.

I avoid outlandish sports stereotype claims, such as “#1 Recruit” or “I’m the MVP” or “All Sport Champion” or “Total Sports Domination.”

I avoid sayings that are mean, snotty, or that use derogatory language, and while this is more an issue in girl’s clothing than in boy’s clothing, there is still a lot of this in clothes aimed at boys. So “Girls Have Cooties” or “Chicks Dig my Ride” and similar statements are out. I don’t want to teach my boys that demeaning women is cute or funny, so why would I dress them in sexist slang.

I also avoid sayings that would cast my boys in a stereotyped, bratty, misbehaving, boys-will-be-boys manner. “I’m dirty because I’m a boy,” “I put the frog in your purse,” “I’ll just go sit in the corner now,” “Video games all night, sleep during class all day,” “Next Tantrum in 00:05,” “Mischief Maker,” or clothes with images of devils are all out for us.

Finally, I remove the items with licensed characters or huge brand logos. Children are exposed to so much advertising. My boys do not need to have it emblazoned upon their person by wearing it. Besides, we don’t have a television in our house, so unless a character shows up in a book, my boys are unlikely to know who it is.

I often see discussions about the gender stereotyping that characterizes girls’ clothing. I haven’t encountered a healthy discussion around the gender stereotypes of boys clothing. As a society, what are we telling our boys by putting these messages on their person? That a real man is aggressive? That if you don’t excel in sports, you’re somehow less of a man? That men make fun of women, discuss them with derogatory slang, or are somehow better than them? That true men act like brats or are completely arrogant? That preferring images considered pretty to those considered edgy means you’re no longer a man? Those are certainly not the values that I want to instill in my boys, so I work carefully to dress them accordingly.

What standards do you use when choosing clothing for your own boys? Do you make similar choices? Do you feel differently?