Eating dinner together as a family is a vital part of our family life. Food is so central to our lives, and I love stopping at the end of the day and enjoying each other’s company as we sit down and eat a meal together. From the time my 6-year old was born, we’ve worked to implement this. As an infant, he sat in my lap or in a baby seat ON the table, so he could be at eye-level with everyone. When he progressed to a booster seat on a chair, we still all ate in the same place and at the same time. And now that he sits in a regular chair, we still do this. Until about a month ago.

Suddenly, at dinner time, my 6-year-old was so involved in his projects that he didn’t want to stop to eat. He wanted to keep working on whatever it was he was doing (origami, coloring, painting, building, etc.). For a couple of weeks we said okay, and told him dinner would be ready for him when he was ready to eat. Finally, realizing that this was happening a lot, and that every night just as it was time for him to go to bed he would sit down and eat a ton because he had skipped dinner and was therefore ravenous, we decided to bring the priority of family dinners to the forefront again.

I told my 6-year-old that he needs to sit with us at the table during dinner. If he’s not hungry, he doesn’t need to eat (we don’t force eating in our house). We reminded him that we enjoy his company, and that we want him to sit with us while we eat. We don’t often have time when the four of us are all doing the same thing at the same time, and dinner is an important time for our family to be together.

He joined us again. He ate dinner. He engaged in our conversation. He told us about a magic show he was planning to perform. We talked about our days, and what our plans were for the upcoming week. We all laughed together when my toddler made silly sounds and decided to remove his clothes at the dinner table (apparently he no longer likes to wear a shirt while eating). It was fantastic.

And as we sat together, I realized how much I had missed having him there at dinner time during the time he was working on projects. Yes, there were fewer interruptions to the conversation, but the joy of being together as a family far outweighs that.

Dinner time is our time to reconnect. It’s our time to be together. A variety of research studies show the importance of family dinners.  Just to name some of the benefits: family dinners reduce depression, lower rates for substance abuse, increase self esteem and emotional well-being. Family dinners boost vocabulary, reduce obesity rates and eating disorders, and kids who eat them do better in school and have higher test scores. Through hearing the stories that we share around the table, we help our children to build resilience. More than that, it increases family cohesiveness to regularly do things together; building a sense of who we are as a family, and that we’re on this journey of life together.

So after a very brief hiatus, everyone-at-the-table family dinners are again the norm in our house. I look forward to continuing this, especially as my boys grow older and have more commitments of their own. We all need a touchstone to our days, a place where we can re-center, regroup, and reflect. For us, sitting down to dinner eat together is that time.

Research resources:

Brotherson, S. (2009). The Big Benefits of Family Meals. Eat Smart. Play Hard. Magazine. Available online HERE.

Cook, E. and Dunifon, R. (2012) Do Family Meals Really Make a Difference? Parenting in Context. Available online HERE.

Casa Columbia. (2012) The Importance of Family Dinners VIII. Casa Columbia White Papers. Available online HERE.

Jayson, S. (2013). Each Family Dinner Adds up to Benefits for Adolescents. USA Today. Available online HERE.